2020年のKingです。そして現状 過去のエッセイ引っ括めても頭一つ抜けています。
これ程のquality. 埋没させるにはあまりに惜しいので今後の方（日本人の全ての受験生のためですかね）の参考の為にも無許可で勝手に公開させて頂きます。笑
I write to offer my personal congratulations on your acceptance into the XXX LLM Class of 2022! This year’s applicant pool was extensive, diverse, and talented. Your application, even in the context of that group, was particularly impressive.
The admissions committee was particularly impressed by your imaginative personal statement on artificial intelligence…..
某超 top schoolからofficialの合格通知後に個別にadminからmailを頂いたらしいですが、Essayに関して触れられています。私がadminであればこんなessayに遭遇したらビックリしますが予想通りadminもビックリだったようですね。
Chicago Law公式Great Essaysと比較しても根本的な格が違います。
Statement of Purpose方式の Technical Type で作成はしておりませんので予めご理解ください。エッセイ方式で作成してあります。
Application Essayをエッセイ要素を含ませて作成される予定の場合、Essayとは…?と言う本質部分のみ参考にされると良いでしょう。以下では解説等は行いませんがご了承ください。評価は私個人的な好みを除外して客観的に。そして問いや語数を加味した上でできるだけfairにjudgeさせていただきます。自由度が高いEssay VS お題がある程度決められているEssayでは圧倒的に前者が有利になりますのでカーブを掛けさせていただきます。
とはいえ自由創作可能なwhat matters等を含めてもこのessay君頭一つ抜けていますのでevaluationはeasyでしたが。
LLM Personal Statement
評価Bandは9.5-10
Why LLM? Humanity
“Hey Siri, call me a taxi for a party.”
“Yes! I’m your assistant 24/7.”
It is like a fantasy to talk with Artificial Intelligence, but from the inorganic response, I wonder ––– can AI be a substitute for human beings?
The robotic revolution has been invading the legal field. We lawyers used to classify and extract key clauses, such as Change of Control clauses, from flooded information through overnight. Today, AI can accurately take charge of the screening process: the key clauses are classified into A to C depending on their potential risk. Although AI is gradually taking over human lawyers’ tasks, I believe AI cannot be a substitute for human lawyers.
Humanity lies in reasoning. In the case of M&A about a manufacturing company, AI misjudged the warranty clause as B risk that was supposed to be classified as the higher A risk because warranty clauses are relatively common. However, in this case, there was a difference between the purchasing and sales contract about the range and period of the warranty: it was a huge risk for the manufacturing company to incur the loss from the manufacturing defect, which is responsible for the raw materials. AI screening overlooked this idiosyncrasy. Lawyers’ work requires reasoning, not scanning, in a flexible way based on the deep knowledge of law, industry practices, product characteristics, and commercial distribution. AI is proficient at running on a programmed track, but that is exactly its limitation.
Legal practice in the U.S is more reasoned. Japanese companies have avoided stipulating the detailed contracts for the unexpected circumstance, paying concerns to their counterparties. Japanese companies have avoided stipulating the detailed contracts for the unexpected circumstance, paying concerns to their counterparties. However, different from Japanese contracts, U.S. M&A contracts stipulate any unexpected situations for the application of the MAC clause, and there are even many court cases that interpret the application. On the other hand, Japanese companies today have increased opportunities to make deals with foreign companies due to globalization and come to incorporate more reasoned practices, referring to legal practices in the United States. AI has been gradually replacing the work of human lawyers, so education in LLM, which makes the practice of reasoning and the acquisition of interpreting the latest business perspective–– more valuable than ever.
But I was wrong.
In the 2040s, AI has finally acquired humanity. In M&A, AI today can draft the fairest Purchase Price and Stock Purchase Agreement, incorporating financial data, future fluctuation in raw materials, and whatever. My clients are supposed to be convinced by the legal documents drafted by AI.
But I was wrong.
To my surprise, none of my clients use AI-based Purchase Price and Stock Purchase Agreement, and still ask me to make it as I did. “We cannot accept the AI-based Purchase Price and clauses, because our future sales should be greater than that of AI expectation.” My clients know that my work would be very close to the AI estimation, and they seem to understand AI prediction is more accurate than that of human lawyers. If so, why in the world do they make such an illogical claim?
Humanity lies in emotion. When we look at the medical field, AI is properly functioning: AI diagnosis to check their medical condition has become recently popular. People are prone to accept AI evaluation only when there is an absolute answer. Different from medical diagnosis, legal issues are not black and white; whether a contract is fair or not depends on interpretation because there can be fair Purchase Agreements in several formats. Accuracy is important, but satisfaction matters more to legal clients – clients are humans, not robots, so even if clients can believe in the accuracy of AI evaluation, their emotion will surpass their reasoning when they face legal issues that have no absolute answers.
Human lawyers coexist with super-intelligent AI. Same as before, I am receiving many emails from clients, but different from the past, I have tried to more sincerely listen to their requests. My value seems to more lie in empathy. Reflecting back on the study in the LLM program, I had been exposed to diversified culture and values, sometimes eccentric, through discussions and daily lives. It was challenging for me to convey myself, respecting others while overcoming the language barrier, but these challenges seem to be valuable for my career as much as academic credentials.I have become an attorney specializing in mergers and acquisitions, including private equity fund transactions, using the knowledge of academic and professional mergers and acquisitions and U.S. law. However, I feel the more satisfaction to gain the trust from many clients.
“Hey Siri, call me a taxi for a party.”
“You may have a rest tonight.”
Siri today can take care of me, understanding my condition from my voice. I know I am supposed to have a rest tonight and Siri is right. But I reach out for my coat. I know my decision is illogical, but that’s human beings.
感想
日本人applicantsに限らず、2020年のあらゆるprogramの出願者で (native含む)上位数%に確実に食い込んでくるqualityです。
エッセイというよりは芸術の域に達しているでしょう。非常にvisionary。前半は若干硬めに（SOPっぽく）、後半はダレないように若干エッジを効かせて尖らせてあります。長めですがダレていないでしょう。前半は完全に前菜で、メインは後半それもconclusionに重きが置かれていますが硬めの前半部分がなければ後半は生きてきませんのでこの辺りも上手く作ってありますね。好みの問題ではありますが私個人的にはもっとdefensiveなSOP要素を減らしてPS要素を増やしても良いかなぁ…とは思いますが本人からNGをもらいました。笑
いわゆる良く言われているようなテンプレ：自分の強み/ユニークな面/価値観描写は行うことなしに議論が進められています。個人的な話自体が完全に0なので構成としては面白いですね。
とはいえ法曹界の未来の考察は単純な妄想ではなく自己の職務経験から引っ張ってきており（そうは見えないかもしれませんが）単なる空想っぽくは見えませんね。
その上単に私はXXXの理由で留学したいです、と言う表面的な回答方式はとっておりません。人間とAIの攻勢/共存を背景に据えた上で、Humanityを軸に据えてガチガチに一貫性を持たせた上でhumanityとは？という議論をessay全体で行なっているため(その上essay全体でwhy LLMに対してanswerを行なっているため) 非常にdeepに仕上がっています。Masterpieceと呼ぶに相応しいqualityでこれを破るのは相当骨が折れると思われます。
そもそもHumanityというThesisは超扱い難いため直感的には本来避けるべきですがLawと対称的（っぽい）なthemeである点もcontrastが巧いと思います。Why LLMに対するanswerが上段/下段に2箇所に散らされていますので奇形ですね。
本人曰く、過去先輩方の物と比較しても明らかに凄いのができちゃったらしいですが、できちゃっていますねこれは…
こうした方が？あぁした方が良いのでは？と時間がない中で悩ませられる面も裏にはありましたが、私自身とても良い思い出になりました。
Programは変わりますがKelloggのofficial school pageにこのようなアドバイスがされています。
So you want to know how to write the best essay? Be yourself. Be open. Spend time thinking broadly about your path, your accomplishments, and why or how you’ve gotten to where you are today. While some of this may not be directly related to the essay questions, putting time in for deep reflection will help you develop more meaty responses. The beauty is that we are not looking for one answer; we are looking for the story YOU wish to tell. The best essays I’ve read have heart, are not over-edited, and let the applicant’s personality emerge (even though you might not realize this is what you are doing). Have someone who knows you really well read your essays. Do they sound like you, rather than just answers to a question? And have fun! We look forward to learning about you in the essays!
このHumanity Essay日本式では全くありませんが上記のexpectationは満たしているだろうことは理解できるでしょう（MBAではなくLLM applicantsですが本質はsameなのでnot matterです）。
志望動機自体は至って平凡。なんでこれがエッセイとして高い評価を受けるの？と言われると簡潔に答えるとLike Riverのように本質的に書き手の溢れる才能を感じ取ることができるから、です。
受験お疲れ様! Love you.